We began by looking at the stages of faith in Young people. I thought this was interesting. The speaker proposed that there are four stages; experienced faith, affiliated faith, searching faith, and owned faith.
Experienced faith begins at a young age. Not a word is lost, we listen carefully. We are told God loves us, that nothing we can do can make him love us more, and we believe it without question. I guess this is the faith of a little child that is mentioned in the gospels that Jesus says we are required to have.
Affiliated faith can span from 12-14 yrs (says the speaker). I guess this might be a stage where we are not as connected, but just associate with our faith.
Searching faith can happen in our late teens when we are perhaps doubting our faith a little (or a lot). Our minds are full of alternative ideas and influences and we are trying to work it all out. This is certainly not necessarily a negative thing, it can be healthy and reveal a deeper appreciation of our faith,
Owned faith can happen any time after our searching stage I guess. From a late teenager to a matured adult, we can own our faith at some point along the way,
So with this is mind, how do we as parents guide our children through these stages of their faith development without them ending up disliking what they have seen?
The first key is to PRAY PRAY PRAY. We cannot expect to bring our children up to love God and Jesus on our own. We must do this with God's guidance and involvement.
Some main points that I took home from this lecture were these:
- We must not make kids feel like they don't fit. They are all unique. They are not supposed to be what our religious culture dictates, but reflect God. If they reflect God in 'thier' own unique way, they can relate to him the way they were built to, not a one size fits all idea where they can only come to God 'this' way or 'that' way.
- Spirituality is not following rules or because we sit through church without making any noise or because we read our bible perfectly. Spirituality is personality and personality is from God. If my child struggles to sit in church this doesn't therefore mean that he is not a very 'spiritual' person. He may struggle to sit in school too, this might just be something he is not very good at. Yes he must try his best, and he does, but this doesn't dictate the level of 'spiritualness' he has. If he is led to believe that, then he will feel like he doesn't fit in and is not very 'into God' like the other kids and feel down about himself. He might turn our to be brilliant at talking to the elderly afterwards or taking around drinks for people or helping tidy up.
- The point to be stressed here is that all our kids have talents from God and we must help them see those from a young age ad encourage them to use them, so they feel they have a place in their community, not feel like they don't fit in or are not good enough. If they are like the child above and struggle to sit through and listen, then give them a job to do up front so they feel they have something to offer, like helping with the music or switching the projector.
- On the other extreme, some kids are the type who LOVE to sit through and take notes, answer questions and all the rest. Once again this is a lovely and positive thing, but it does not therefore mean they are ultra spiritual above other kids. Let's not make them proud. This might be part of their personality too, something they love to do at home or school. We must praise and encourage these wonderful attributes, but not with the view of condemning that other child who is not as good at doing that. We must teach them that it does not take being good at taking notes, or good at talking to the elderly to be loved by God. He loves us anyway and will not be disappointed if we struggle with something another person is good at. All God wants us to do is try our best at everything and focus on the talents HE has given us.
- As parents we must focus on what our kids CAN do, not on what they cannot.
- We cant afford to lose kids because they feel they can't be like the rest of the community. They might love God so much, but feel they are not accepted and be pushed out. God did not create everyone to be exactly the same and act like robots in the way we serve him. He made us with different abilities to do different tasks for his glory. Teaching a child this simple concept will help them so much when they are at the stage of comparing themselves with others and feeling left out.
Some killers of faith
- Judgment. If we don't show forgiveness in our parenting towards our family and our ecclesial members and our very own children, what will happen when our kids fail? How will they feel about themselves and about how God feels about them? We must value then, show them they belong.
- Cynical. Don't demonstrate this characteristic in front of our young people, it is not helpful and can do great damage.
- Familiarity. Dont take God, Jesus, our ecclesia and our faith for granted. Show them how amazing it is and the passion and excitement we have for it, even if we don't feel it inside sometimes Don't make Jesus boring. Be ever aware of him. Not get too familiar with thanking God for food. Dont lose your sense of awe. Imagine it all gone, then we wont take it for granted.
Make sure our kids catch us praying, sincerely, repenting, thanking. Let them see us with a spontaneous and open relationship with God.
LOVE. See past the tattoos, the smell of smoke, the outward appearance and see that young person for who they really are, the way God sees them. See them through his eyes and love them with his love. Most of the time these outward appearance in young teens are just a phase and they should not be judged for it. They can still talk to God with a nose piercing.
to be continued...
